The Bearers of Bad News
by Iris Cornelia Jade
Summary: When Franziska von Karma, Phoenix Wright, and Larry Butz entire Miles Edgeworth's office with smiles as if all three are planning something fundamentally against all known laws of the universe, Edgeworth knows that he's in for a very, very long day.


**The idea came and I couldn't abandon it. Sue me (rather, this being an attorney's game and all, don't). I'm not good with chronological order of the games, having only played the first for myself and watching youtube walkthroughs of the others. At any rate, it's before Phoenix's disbarment, after Franziska joins the party (since I don't remember which game had Oldbag bringing up the bag of nuts). At any rate, con crit is appreciated whilst flames will be used to roast Manfred von Karma o'er an open fire. Enjoy. **

* * *

When Larry Butz and Phoenix Wright enter his office together, Miles Edgeworth knows it's going to be a long day.

When both enter smiling, as if planning something fundamentally against all moral standards, Miles Edgeworth knows it's time to hide under his desk and pray the ensuing earthquake doesn't damage his Steel Samurai figurine.

When Franziska von Karma trails behind them, whip ready in hand, Miles Edgeworth knows it's time to take some medication. When she comes in bearing a similar expression of amusement like Wright and Butz, Edgeworth knows it's time for him to run as fast as his legs can carry him to the nearest lunatic asylum.

When Franziska von Karma, Larry Butz, and Phoenix Wright enter his office together, smiling as if all three are planning something together against any moral standards, Franziska with whip in hand but both Phoenix and Larry without red marks anywhere on their faces, Miles Edgeworth knows that the fundamental order of the universe has shifted on its head. He has entered an alternate dimension where Phoenix, Larry, and Franziska can spend time enough to plan something together that will likely destroy him without Franziska beating the other two senseless.

When this happens, the world-renowned prosecuting prodigy has the sudden urge to run screaming from his own office.

This change of the laws of the universe is dilemma enough for Edgeworth to put down his personally stylized ink fountain pen and abandon his most important case for a while to cast all three defiant and slightly fearful looks.

"Would someone care to explain to me what's going on?"

They exchange looks and burst into incessant laughter. Edgeworth is painfully reminded of Calisto Yew.

"Wright here…" Franziska chortles slightly before regaining composure, snapping her whip as if sending the unspoken message that if anyone spreads the word that she can _laugh,_ they will die. "Wright here is going to be the bearer of bad news."

That makes the defense attorney snap straight up, abandoning humor for fear. "Franziska, you're the one with the whip. Aren't you the one best suited for—WAAAH!"

Ah. Cue Franziska's trustworthy whip. Edgeworth was wondering about its absence for all of ten minutes.

"Fool! Fine, have your friend say it."

"Larry, tell him."

"Dude, it's your assistant, Nick-o."

Okay. Time for Edgeworth to piece together the logic. It has something to do with Maya, something that will be bad, something that Franziska, Larry, and Phoenix can all find humorous enough to burst into his office during work hours and risk being thrown out like the last fiasco. The last time this happened, Maya had stolen all of his Steel Samurai relics and accidentally burned many of them next to the Kurain Village's fire whilst showing them off. It had taken him months to recollect all of his pieces, and he'd fought Wright with a kind of vengeance the next couple of times in court, only to remember it was his assistant, not him, and Wright had had no knowledge of the plan.

Edgeworth had retaliated by bribing Wright not to buy her burgers for another week.

The girl lived on burgers, that much was certain—and had a very good skill for messing up Edgeworth's life. _Quite a roundabout way of putting it. I wonder what she's done this time…_

Speaking of which, it was beginning to look like he was never going to figure out. "Wright, Larry, solve your problems and tell me what's going on."

The two ignore him and continue bickering, shouting, and in Wright's case finger-pointing and objecting, in Larry's case giving noogies. Franziska sighs, grabs a part of her whip in both hands, and pulls it taut. The barely audible snap causes both to abandon the fight and stand up straight five feet away from each other, which makes Edgeworth wonder whether he should get a whip of his own too simply to gain control of his two childhood friends.

"Dude, it's that psychotic little girl that stalks Nick everywhere! She—"

"She does not _stalk_ me. She helps me solve a variety of cases, one of which got Edgeworth here off the hook for murder."

Ah. The infamous DL-6 bullet. Edgeworth nods. "Larry, continue. What were you going to say after 'she,' when you got cut off?"

It is at this moment that Phoenix Wright suddenly finds the undeniable urge to slap his hand over Larry's mouth, the resulting horror coming out as 'MMMMPH' instead of something that could potentially doom Maya and the other three people in this room to the horrors of Miles Edgeworth, Demon Prosecutor.

"Hold it, fool. If you're going to risk your life, at least let the rest of us get a safe distance away before you break the news."

"Right, Franny—AUGH. You know, I'm actually starting to get used to the whip. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendsh—OKAY. I take it back. I'll give you ten seconds to run away so when he hears it, you'll still be near enough to throw in front of—FINE, ouch, I'll take Nick instead."

"Thanks for the mark of friendship, Larry," grumbles Wright amusedly before mock-saluting Edgeworth. "Later, Edgeworth." With that, he bolts out the door wearing a large smile. Franziska nods, snaps her whip at the floor (Edgeworth hopes he won't have to replace the carpet again) and stalks out the door as if looking upon the entire situation with amused contempt. Larry begins to fiddle with his hands, nervous.

"What is it, Larry?"

"Nick's assistant—" Larry is about to speak, but stops short, frozen, when a voice abruptly sounds outside the office.

"Butz, hurry it up, I haven't got all day. Foolish fools who foolishly carry foolish tales of folly to other fools who will foolishly retaliate…"

"Got it Franny—" Even though the whip merely snaps against the door, Larry winces at the sound. "Anywho, where was I?" Rubbing the back of his neck, Larry gives a weak smile. "Right, Nick's assistant…he told…someone…where you live."

"Great…who is this someone? Some sort of stalker?"

"Haha, now that you mention it, her name is Wendy Oldbag—RUN, NICK, RUN! Wait, you were my bait…" Realizing his error, Larry seems to contemplate using Franziska and (wisely) decides against it, racing out the door screaming "NICK, COME BACK HERE, TRAITOR BEST FRIEND!"

At this point, Edgeworth does not care that the fundamental laws of the universe have been smashed. He does not care that he should be cowering under his desk from the ensuing earthquake, or running to a lunatic asylum or possibly throwing himself into jail.

His only thought is to chase his three nearest targets to the ends of the Earth, 'shoot the messengers' (plural, as a figure of speech), and cover his tracks well enough so a certain eighty-year-old hag won't show up on his doorstep with another basket of macadamia nuts.

(Yes, he is allergic to them.)


End file.
